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Fair is foul. The days are rocking by, they're passing even me. I guess that I don't really like being home, but I really don't like being at school either. I guess I'm caught right now. Luverne isn't a great place...but it's not bad. I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see.

I am appalled. I am appalled at myself right now. The work I've done for one of my classes is so horrible. It seems to be the work of a 4th grader. What was I thinking? Why is this so horrible? Do I have no thought whatsoever? What have I been doing this semester. Then I remember. All those other things: music, composing, rediculous other things, poetry, russian, thinking about Mike. Rediculous. All of it...rediculous. This paper is so badly done that I want to smack myself.

He's so much more detached than before. He doesn't love me and doesn't have time for me. Why should I be in love with him? There's nothing for us right now. I understand. I understand now. There is no demon keeping us apart. To be part of his life is to be more attached than I want to be. So until we speak again.


Fair is foul, foul is fair. Always.

Fire

I want so much more.
I am a woman. I want more.
I want more than to make babies. I want more than to sit and watch TV and work a job. I want to get lost. I want to go out in the world and be lost for a while...because, just as fair is foul and foul is fair, lost is found and found is lost! Here, in this small room where I sleep...I am found. Everyone knows who I am, where I am...what I am. I am woman. I am sitting here, learning, or wishing I wasn't. I always see the others and think: ah, how much better it would be to be them, neglecting their studies because they are free, they have the money to do so, they may do as they truly please. I am bound to try very hard through this education.

But I am freed. They are the slaves of their lives. They will never, in the long run, know more than making babies and watching TV and working their silly bland jobs.
I want to teach. I want to live in a world where it isn't just a good idea, but one can get lost in books. BOOOKS.


And yet to some I must seem profoundly boring

Because in my mind, I may go anywhere I please. And they will always adhere to the world around them. But in my mind, I may go anywhere I please.


Anywhere I please.