Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Marcela, the shepherdess...
"Moreover, you must remember that the beauty I possess was no choice of mine, for, be it what itmay, Heaven of its bounty gave it me without my asking or choosing it;and as the viper, though it kills with it, does not deserve to beblamed for the poison it carries, as it is a gift of nature, neitherdo I deserve reproach for being beautiful; for beauty in a modestwoman is like fire at a distance or a sharp sword; the one does notburn, the other does not cut, those who do not come too near."

Cervantes
trans. Ormsby

This is the keyboard that sucks. I don't know why I choose this computer. I was about to type an email out to my friend, but then my brain switched off. It is 10 in the morning and two in the afternoon. I guess that's just what You got. I have to go do something productape.

Hildegard von Bingen

Hildegard described not only how the elements combined to form the cosmos, but also how they helped to shape and give life to our ...human bodies: (Schipperges is maddeningly awkward and I hate his unnecessary writing style, but commend him on his knowledge). "when God made humanity, the earth out of which it was form (limus) was glued together by water. God sent the breath of life - fire and air - into this form made from earth and water. Because the human form was made from Earth and Water, the earth became flesh through fire of this breath and through air. The water that held this together became blood. When God made Adam, His radience instantly embraced the entire earth out of which Adam was made. This earth showed itself outwardly in Adam's fashioning - in the shape of his limbs - but Adam was hollow within. (Curae et Causae 42,)
Hildegard went on to describe how the heart, liver, stomach, bowels, brain and other inner organs were made: the soul filled the human heart which pumped elements throughout the body. The liver heated the heart, the lungs covered it...
The heart was thought to be the seat of all knowledge, the liver the seat of all emotions. This we know to be false today...but in medieval times...well...hmmnnn...
I don't like this source one bit, honestly. Schipperges insisted that psychologically analyzing Hildegarde was a bad idea but it seems that he does so throughout the book himself, whether he realizes it or not. Perhaps he doesn't use psychological terminology, but he seems to make his own inferences, all of which are based in the context of psychology today. I wish I had more time to read in depth his book however, at least so that I could further disagree (or change my mind and agree) with him.
I guess I just don't like it when scholars use words like "puny" and "libido"

I'm not capable of this anymore. I simply cannot continue to be the way I am. I feel at some times so happy, yet at others, so unhappy. It is tempting for me, stoic-faced to tell myself that "that's life" and that dealing with happiness and unhappiness is a part of it. But at the same time, I feel that there is the one who, having been gone, has returned and is, like me, mingling happiness and unahappiness, but perhaps doesn't think of things the best way. One must allow onesself to heal from psychological trauma, not constantly wallowing in one's suffering.
At the same time, there is the one that was here and is leaving. This is the one that all too often is the cause of my happiness and of my unhappiness. I fear being lied to again more than anything. I feel that it is wrong of me to give this person anymore leeway. It is wrong of me to be so understanding, so justifying. It is wrong of me to allow this person not to treat me the way, someone said, I deserve to be treated. I deserve to know where this person is, I deserve to know how they feel and what they are thinking. I deserve loving attention and I deserve a person who doesn't constantly cause me grief in one way or another.

At the same time though, I feel selfish in asking for this attention that according to a friend, I deserve. There are deeper things involved here than my happiness or unhappiness. There are bigger things in this world than the offense I feel when I am blown off or not cared about. There is more than the simple fact that to some people, I don't matter...and never will.

Every person thinks of themselves as number one.

I knew going into this thing that it would not be easy to be a part of. But then, one reaps what one sows. If I give this person enough attention...if I love this person enough...someday things will be alright between us. And the "alrightness" will mean more to us than it does to most people. How much sweeter will the contentment be that was fought for?

Much.

The Fire-Eaters

Bloodletting, Earth, Fire, Water, Air....yes, a discourse on Alchemy is in accord.

Alchemy was the midieval version of physics, psychology and medicine in one. The main purpose of alchemy was to convert base metals into gold, but aside from that, the study and practice of Alchemy in the midieval world was also to cure disease and ultimately find immortality.

Death is one of those things that people feared, especially back then. The Black death raviged people. Whole populations were lost.

Medieval thinking was largly based on heiarchies. This general idea can probably be traced to the time of the Romans. I'm not certain to whom to give the due of coming up with the "four basic elements" theory, but Earth, Water, Fire and Air were symbolic of four characteristics that, in the medieval mind, made up everything: dry, cold, moist, hot.
Earth was furthest from heaven, therefore the lowest of the elements, then water, which goes up and comes down as rain, then air, which goes up and stays up, and then fire, which the Sun is made of.

They believed that each person contained four humors which were made up of two characteristics each that symbolized and element.
Blood is hot and moist, and therefore of the element of Air.
Yellow Bile/cholor is hot and dry, therefore made of the element Fire
Phlegm is cold and moist, therefore made of the element Water
Black Bile is cold and dry, therefore made of Earth.

While the modern mind can see a great deal of problems medically that can come of this type of thinking, one must also marvel at it's partial accuracy.
Blood carries oxygen to the cells. Oxygen is found in the air. The midieval mind knew this, even without knowing truly what blood is, nor cells, nor oxygen. In the medieval mind, they knew that one's humor needed to be in balance and that each humor was largely affected by diet. The stomach and liver, to the medieval mind were the entities which converted food into each of the humors.
The idea that one is psychologically affected by the food one eats has enormous truth to it. I know because I've tested this theory on myself. It's a tremendous excercize, if one enjoys eating quite alot, but the practice of fasting should have a moment here in the limelight. Fasting is a fantastic way to clear your mind, not because of hunger pains (if you fast, I encourage you to eat enough to avoid those, but eat things which have life... citrus, leafy greens and water-bearing vegetables and fruits: watermelon more than a banana, celery more than a potato) but because of the profound feeling of being clensed.

Here in America, we eat highly-processed food, that which is usually hot and dry. So we, then are the Fire-eaters. Who also has been at war? We eat fire and therefore have an overload of yellow bile. Are we like Shakespeare's Hotspur, then, ruled by our spleens?
Perhaps our international and internal problems would be solved if we embraced the Spinach leaf...quit babbling about fears of ecoli and ate something healthy for a change.

It was only a harmless musing.