Worse than death,

This is just a blanket of thought. I am realizing the amount of work that must be done now. Just now. So late in the game this is. So late. I realize that it's not about me. It's just not about me. And, given my purpose, I'm glad that it isn't. I'm glad that it doesn't involve me at all, actually. I am happy to not be involved. But no, it won't stay that way. No it won't.
There is alot of hard, hard work ahead of me. There will be no room for pride things or for rotten problems of social stresses in this part of my life. There will be no room for the anger and depression that creep in so easily. There will be alot of room for joy, however, and joy will be the only thing that will keep us going when we do this. There is alot to think about.
Human cruelty is always a step and a half worse than we can imagine. The psychological shaming effect and the brute force aspects of human cruelty to one another have always been there, have always been ugly. What to do when peicing things back together? Has there ever been a great person who survived and lived yet to be great? Or is it in their greatness that they survived? Or do we now stand on the brink of a change in this regard, it will now be the survivors of horrors who come foreward to shine brighter than the rest of the toiling normal folk.

It is easily understood for me, and has been that there are some things that are worse than death. One of those things is shame. However, true shame and false shame are two different things. If you are a powerful person, and you abuse that power knowingly, living with that shame is far worse than being a survivor.
And in being a survivor, if you elicit power because of your status as a survivor, and not from your own merit to take others down, even if those others are the people who began it, there is a hint of truth in the shame aside from the false shame.
Bloviated, that is how I feel for making these judgements, but there is truth in them, truth that I believe.
I believe it is better to be shot dead than to kill others. Putting a price, whether a dollar amount or a status amount or even a life for life amount on another person is wrong. Is my life worth more than someone elses? Who can be the judge of that? Every minute of every day that one human interacts with another brings that person untold worth, sometimes not ever realized by anyone, for that interaction affects things subconsciously years and years down the road. Every memory that anyone in my life has had a part of: thousands and thousands of people for it includes all friends, family, acquaintances, people noted in passing, people on television, radio and internet, teachers, coworkers, pastors, priests, lunchladies, nuns...all of them: each has impacted my life in untold, unknown, unrealized ways. I know hardly any of them by name. The ones who affected me most, psychology teaches us, are the ones with whom we interact in our first three years of life. I can't remember anything from then. So, who would I be to shoot someone to save my own life? Whose father? Whose mother? Whose teacher? Whose coworker? Even the homeless on the street have affected my life so significantly, for even by just seeing them or speaking with them briefly, one can get a story or two, an experience which may prove to be incredibly important to me or someone else near me? Even experiencing those who have been imprisoned changes the perspective of someone? Knowing people who have real guilt for real offenses and real sorrow can prove to be incredibly important later on when needing to know what to and what not to do. When we kill one another we kill ourselves. When we kill one another, we kill the experiences that all the other thousands of people who will interact with the would-be deceased. There have been cases of human isolation. By killing one more person we cause them not to touch our lives as we ought. The guilt and shame of killing one another as people is one real and true guilt that shouldn't be borne by those who understand these things. Yes, death is a part of life. But life is a part of life and a much bigger part than death. And there is good in everything, even the most evilest-seeming things because at least then, in the face of all that is truly horrible, all that is truly evil, all that is truly frightening and terrifying, we are reminded as people that we are people, we are reminded in our hearts by the horror of it all. And from there, we can continue to further all that is good in this world. From there we have more reason to stand for all that is right and noble. There is never a moment in a person's life at which they can change the past. And if they use that past for the nobility of the future, then they too are noble. Then they too are human, then they too have triumphed over all the evilest, all that is horrible. They then become the protectors of the world.
Today I watched a film on the Soviets and Nazi Germany. The cross between vengeance and justice...who can be blamed? Why did this happen? What are we to do now? Those were darker times than even we realize today, I feel. Very, very dark times for Europe and Russia. Stalin's days, the paranoia, it makes me feel that even as ugly as the slavery in America in the South was, as ugly as it was, at least they could sing. At least there was an underground that sprung up that allowed hope for some, and the people being persecuted, they had spirit within them enough to try to run. Who ran in Soviet Russia? Why such an iron arm there?
What good is there in Russia that is untapped? What nobleness? What greatness? I am sure that it is there. I am convinced of this. Where there has been great misery, there will be greater joy. Where there has been great hardship, there will be greater survival. Where there has been evil, there will be greater good.