The Thing...

Mostly it's the problem of letting go. I can't let go of you. Already loneliness is setting in. I do feel lonely. Although, that is not because of you necessarily. It is because I am a poor manager of my social life. That is one thing that needs to improve in my life. I feel chronically unloved and it isn't that I don't have friends, it's just that I don't make proper plans with them ahead of time, so I end up feeling rejected when I call them spur-of-the-moment and want to hang out. I think this is the reason why I tend to gravitate toward lonely people, the people who do not relate to others the same way as most people do. I like to be liked and to alleviate someones loneliness helps people like me more.

I do not want to say goodbye to you. You have been a huge part of my life and even though I cannot see myself with you long term, I feel drawn to you. I want to feel you around me, I want your essence to permeate me, I want you. But no, I do not trust you. Without trust, there is a shallow love. I don't want to abide with a shallow love. I imagine my life with you and I do not see happiness.

Yet you're the one that I think of if I watch a romantic comedy. When I think of romance, I think of it in terms of you, in terms of our relationship. You've defined my life, my heart, or at least pieces of it, will always be yours. I will never be whole...